I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
smell my finger.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
