Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
