Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
