...so i touched it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
