he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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