sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
