what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
