I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
