Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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