I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
