so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
