One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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