How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
