season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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