i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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