maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
