Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
