so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
