kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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