it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
