K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
