Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
