I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
