dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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