i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
