Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The best revenge is premature balding
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
sarcasm needs its own font
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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