I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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