TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
