she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
