Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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