Jerry, you need to find god
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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