You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
