and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
