New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
