so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
