what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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