i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
