we're blogging at a bar
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
