All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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