You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
