I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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