The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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