I cannot find my penis.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
