epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My ATM looks so different sober.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
