I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
