i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
