you have to choose: penises or morals?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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