He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
