Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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