i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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