what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize