OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
